If I Could Have Anything

(You can use this as a worksheet and record your answers somewhere or just read it to get some ideas or a better understanding of what you really want.)

1. Briefly, describe a situation that you would like to handle better. A situation in which you need to ask someone (for) something or say something to them.

2. How do you handle it now?

3. If you could have anything in this situation and whatever it is would be all right, what would you like for yourself?

Imagine that if you said what you would like everyone would be OK about it. Others may want different things and they want to know what you want for yourself. They might not give you or do what you want, but they are happy for you to say what it is. Nothing bad will happen.

You do need to accept the situation as it is. You might well wish that things could have been different - but they are not. Similarly, you need to accept other people as being how they are, that is part of the situation.

On the other hand, do not limit yourself, what would you really like. For example:

• Someone to take you on a world cruise
• Someone to take over most of the child care
• Someone to treat you with respect as an equal
• Someone to listen without interrupting and hear exactly how it is for you

So an example of an answer to this question might be:

• I would like 3 hours peace and quiet every evening.

But not:

• I wish we did not have young children (that is the situation)
• I wish my partner would support me more (in what specific way?)
• I wish my partner liked me studying (if they don't, that is how it is)

Or:

• I would like my boss to give me clear information about how I am doing my job

But not:

• I wish the job was less complicated (situation)
• I wish my boss was more supportive (how?)
• I wish my boss was less critical (that is the sort of person they are)

Try to think about less practical things that you might want. For example:

• I want to be heard
• I want to feel valued
• I want to be respected
• I want to feel equal

You may also find it useful to think about your boundaries

It helps to be aware of your boundaries in general, not only in particular situations. You are entitled to have boundaries and to decide for yourself what they are. It is your job to make sure that people know what your boundaries are and to take action when anyone tries to cross your boundaries.

What are your boundaries at work:

• What hours are you willing to work?
• When are you available?
• What are the limits to what you do?
• Any other boundaries?

What are your boundaries in each of your relationships:

• When are you available?
• What are you willing to do for or with this person?
• How equal do you want the relationship to be?
• Any other boundaries?

What are your personal boundaries:

• How close can each person be to you?
• May they touch you, if so, how?
• What may they know about you?
• Any other boundaries?

So, what would you really like for yourself in the situation you noted at 1.?